New Year, Same Value

“I thought of dying because I hadn’t met you yet/I like the world a little better for bringing someone like you into this world/I’m going to place a bit of hope in this world because someone like you is in it.” Boku Ga Shinou To Omottanowa- Mika Nakashima

I’ve had quite a few conversations recently with people who felt like they don’t have a clear purpose or feel like they’re moving at a slower pace (when compared to other people) or felt like they didn’t have any worth or value because they weren’t doing what they considered to be big or “great” things.

I think these are normal feelings we all feel, or have felt at some point. I think it’s completely normal to wonder if there’s something greater for your life or something great you’re supposed to do. I think we have all wondered if we are missing out on reaching our greater purpose. I think we all have wondered why we are here and what we are supposed to do.

I’ve personally thought about this a lot, especially when first going to college. Thinking about or deciding what you want to do or should be doing for the rest of your life is scary–life can be intimidating. I’m so glad I ended up deciding on nursing, and completing nursing school. Nursing school helped put a lot of things into perspective, as well as helped me realize a few things when it comes to finding purpose. I just want to share a little of what I’ve personally learned.

One of the most important “life lessons” I learned was over quarantine. In my city, quarantine/restrictions happened relatively slowly. It started with cancelled exams and an extended spring break, which was obviously fantastic. Eventually in-person clinicals and classes were moved to online, which was great because I didn’t have to wake up at 3 AM. Then, since I was a university employee, I got to work from home. Everything was great: I got to sleep in when I wanted; I didn’t have to go to class; I could work from home; and, thanks to the on-campus gym being open, I was able to work out whenever I wanted. Everything was great at the beginning of quarantine. I established myself a study-exercise-daily activity-sleep routine, and was able to stick to it. It was glorious. Everything was going smoothly…until something completely changed my structure.

At the beginning of quarantine, COVID honestly didn’t seem like a huge deal. As strange as that might be to hear from someone in the medical field, since COVID really wasn’t affecting my city/area much at that time, it didn’t really even seem real, it seemed like some distant/almost non-existent force. Everything was OK in my life…until someone changed everything.

Everyday for 2.5 years, an older man in my neighborhood would go to the soccer field beside my apartment and practice tai chi. You could set your clock to this man: every morning at 8 AM and every evening at 5 PM he would be out in the field. When I would walk to class in the mornings (pre-COVID, of course), he would be there; when I would walk back to my apartment after work, he would be there; when I would go the shops or the post office, he would be there; when I’d come back from the library or the gym, he’d be there. As dramatic as it sounds, he was my normal. He was an everyday presence in my life. His reliability and consistency were a comforting presence on campus.

But, then, one day he was gone. At first, I just thought he was late, that maybe he had a doctor’s appointment or had a date or, because the weather was getting hot, maybe, that was the year he finally decided to move inside to practice–whatever the reason, my Normal didn’t show up, not for a while. Quarantine restrictions were getting more strict in my area, but things didn’t seem too bad because I still had my own Normalcy–though he wasn’t as consistent as he used to be, the older man would still sporadically go out to the field to practice tai chi.

But, then, once again, he didn’t show up. Again, I thought it was because he was running late, he had a previous engagement, the poor weather, something had to be holding him up… This time was different, though. Instead of coming back to the field randomly, instead of sticking to his schedule of the past 2.5 years, he never came back.

When he left, a lot of my sense of normalcy left. It sounds dramatic, but, when he left permanently, a feeling and sense of stability, dependency/reliability, and consistency was gone. COVID and quarantine didn’t seem that bad when there was a consistent familiarity. It didn’t matter that classes were cancelled or that hospitals weren’t taking students or that the gym eventually closed or that some stores weren’t making deliveries anymore–I had my own groove, my own schedule, my own Normalcy.

When what I was used to was gone, everything going on in the world felt more real, it felt more serious, and more…indefinite, in a lot of ways. Again, it may sound really dramatic, but, after he left, the next several months of quarantine became rather emotionally and mentally draining and exhausting.

What’s the point of saying all this? Humans, by nature, are pack animals. We are designed to be with each other; we are designed to crave each other; we are designed to need comfort and love from each other; we are designed to need to share the human experience with each other. It’s normal for humans to need each other and to be around each other. It’s normal for humans to need structure, consistency, and regularity in our lives, our careers, our hobbies, our education, our relationships, our everything. When the access to that need is removed, when our ability to get certain needs met is blocked, we have, in one way or another, a tendency to crumble.

Again, so what’s the point? We often think, when it comes to doing important or doing great things, we need to do some giant gesture. We often think when it comes to helping people and making a big impact in their lives, we need to do something complex and highly organized. Sometimes, we think to make a true, lasting difference we need to do something on a national or global scale. Honestly, between you and me, sometimes the greatest and most lasting impact we make is the impact we make on the people around us.

Working in a hospital, and even at a university, showed me that oftentimes it’s the small things that really help, comfort, and mean something to people. At my hospitals, I’d have patients with pain, multiple different disease processes, open wounds, loneliness, hunger and thirst, and general crabbiness (understandably). Often times, what made the patients feel better in their situations wasn’t the prescriptions or other medical interventions; more times than not, what made the patients feel better (like seen, heard, respected, and valued people) was having someone bring them a cup of water or snack, sit with them, listen to a story about their grandchild, help them wipe their face, smile at them, check on them every now and then, ask them how they were doing, or even just hold their hand during an uncomfortable procedure. What made the patients feel seen, heard, valued, respected, and remembered was the small and, what many would consider to be, “meaningless” things. What made a difference in the mental, emotional, and spiritual lives of our patients was being consistent, honest, genuine, encouraging, kind, patient, compassionate, and loving.

You never really know where people are mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, or physically (health wise) in their lives. We never really know what people are struggling with or how they’re suffering, especially if we don’t ask. Sometimes the best thing we can do for each other, the best thing we can do to make a difference in someone’s life is let them know we see them. You never really know how much something as small as a smile or a “hello” can mean to someone. Sometimes a “how are you?” can mean the difference between life and death. Sometimes just being in a certain place, being present in a certain space, is enough to comfort someone and give them a sense of normality.

Simply, whether you realize it or not, whether you are ever told or not, you are someone’s comfort, someone’s normality, someone’s encouragement, someone’s consistency, someone’s compassion, and someone’s love. Sometimes, we are someone’s only access to and experience with love, compassion, encouragement, grace, kindness, and generosity. I don’t say this to scare you or to put pressure on you. I say this because, whether you know it or not, whether you will ever be told or not, you are necessary and incredibly valuable to someone.

I personally believe our purpose as humans is “humans”. I believe our purpose on this planet is to help, encourage, love, and support each other. When one of us suffers, we all suffer–because we are all connected, our lives are not, and can never be, just our own. Wanting to make a difference in the world is a beautiful goal. Wanting to do something on a large scale to make people’s lives better, safer, healthier, more fulfilling, more meaningful, and enjoyable is commendable and admirable. Never stop working on that goal. Never stop trying to make the world a better place; but, don’t forget about the people around you. Don’t forget your communities. Don’t forget about your neighbours, your family and friends, your customers, your club members, or your co-workers. When we start with the people around us, our impact trickles down, it has a complete domino effect. When you are kind, encouraging, supportive, compassionate, helpful, and, honestly, just pleasant to others, it’s very much possible to change the trajectory of someone’s life–which means that the lives of the people that one person interacts with may also be changed.

Whether we believe it or not, whether it is intentional or not, for good or bad, we always leave an impact on people, and, therefore, our communities. One life changed, for better or worse, is really a change in all of our lives.

I’m so glad I was able to go to nursing school! Nursing school really helped show me how important human connection is, how important the small things are, how interconnected everyone really is, and how valuable we all really are. There is so much cruelty, selfishness, sadness, pain, and sickness in the world. There’s not really a way to make it completely go away–as long as humans “human”, those things will always, unfortunately, be present. However, I do believe it’s possible to alleviate the product(s) of those things, I think it’s possible to prevent those things from happening in some people’s lives, I do think it’s possible to stop those things from completely affecting (and destroying) future generations–I think it’s possible through even the “smallest” and intentional ways.

In that way, I think we will all have purpose. As long as people exist, we will always have a purpose. As long as there are people who are suffering, who are lonely, who need encouragement and support, and long as there are people who need love, each and every one of us will have a purpose. We all leave an impact; we all influence the people around us. I hope, with this new year, we will begin to take up our calling, our true purpose, and be intentional. I hope with this new year, we will all learn and understand how valuable, necessary, loved, and important we truly are to the people around us, to our communities, and, therefore, to the world. We often find ourselves in the service of others–I hope everyone is able to find their true self this new year.

Happy New Year!