You Probably Won’t Ever Be the Best…. And, That’s OK

I have some bad news: there’s someone smarter, cleverer, more talented, more successful, and more capable than you. As negative as that sounds, I don’t say this to be discouraging. On the bright side, I also have some good news: you are smarter than some, you are more talented than some, more successful than some, and more capable than some. Nothing in this life comes easy—anything worth having and being good at is worth working for. I think knowing that there are people out there who are, in some way, better than you is comforting, it takes some pressure off life, it gives you something to work towards, it gives you a learning curve. If you are the absolute best at everything, what do you have to work towards? Would you be working to grow as a person or to stay the best? The beauty of the journey, the adventure, that is life is that you never truly arrive at one particular destination—you make stops here and there, but it never truly ends. That in itself should be comforting—there is peace in knowing that you’re never really going to fully “arrive”, you’re never going to stop growing and learning.

I’ve spent a long time beating myself up because I didn’t do well on a test or on an evaluation or at a clinical or at a meeting. I have two semesters left before I get my bachelor’s degree, and I am incredibly excited to finally be done. Not because I don’t enjoy school or learning, or because I didn’t have fun while at school. I’m excited to be done because I am completely mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted with everything school brings. To be fair, it’s absolutely my fault that I am exhausted. I spent so much time trying to be the best in my classes, at my clinical, in my friend group, and in my program that I missed out on life, I missed out on the little joys, I missed out on relationships, and I truly missed out on what God had available for me. I was too worried about “me” and what I should, and could, have access to that I just…missed life.

Education is important—in this life, it is one of the only things that keeps us from being shackled and put in the prison of mediocrity and complacency. However, I think it’s important to remember that continually learning and continually trying to be the best are different things. You will always be in the process of learning, but you will not always be the best—and, that’s OK. We should never give up on learning; never give up on striving to do our best; never abandon our dreams and passions. I’m not saying it’s impossible to excel. I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to exceed the expectations we create for ourselves—we should have high expectations for ourselves, and we shouldn’t ignore or abort those expectations; however, it’s important to remember one thing: there is more to life than being "#1”.

The ultimate goal of life shouldn’t be to be the best in everything—you are going to fail sometimes, because that is how life is sometimes, that is how you learn, that is how you become better.

I had to learn the hard way that failing can be academically and personally useful. I had to pull many all-nighters, fail important tests, do a (in my mind) a “walk of shame” to get my professor to sign a bright pink drop slip, and drop a vital major-specific course before I realized there was more to life than exams, grades, and potential jobs. I went from acing my classes with a 4.0 GPA to having to drop a class because I was failing. That doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, particularly within the grand scheme of a degree; however, in that moment, I was absolutely devastated.

When I went to get my drop slip signed, I had to carry it to the front of the class, walk up to the professor, and ask him to sign the pinkest and brightest drop sheet in front of over 100 students. At that moment, I felt like everyone knew what I was doing. I felt like the entire class knew I was a failure, and was judging me for it. I felt like, if I couldn’t pass one class, then it would be impossible for me to get my degree. If I couldn’t get my degree, then I couldn’t get a job. If I couldn’t get a job, then I would have no where to live, nothing to eat, and I wouldn’t be able to take care of my family. I felt like an embarrassment to my family. I felt like I wasn’t cut out for university, my major, or for whatever plan God had for my life. I cried for a couple days because I felt like my life was over.

Looking back on that year, I’m a little surprised by how melodramatic I was. I was caught in a toxic relationship with what I thought education was and what I thought education was for. I was devastated because I didn’t understand that it’s impossible to be perfect at any and everything I attempt.

I spent 22 years of my life stressed, anxious, and full of feelings of inadequacy and failure before I learned to take things in stride, to cross bridges when I got to them, and that it’s OK to grow and learn from mistakes--that failing and being a failure are not inherently the same thing.

When I began to not focus so hard on getting the perfect score, not only did I become less anxious, less stressed, and more relaxed, I began to do better in my classes. I was able to focus more on my classes and remember the material we covered in class because I was able to balance life. I balanced out school with fun, exercise, friends, and extra-curriculars, and was then able to feel more fulfilled and excited with life, my major, and all future possibilities. I took away an almost neurotic obsession with grades and school, and realized: life doesn’t really suck that much; there’s so much more out in the world than just “school”, “grades”, and “jobs”.

The key to life, in all aspects of life, is to create balance. Remember, the mind and the body are connected: where one goes, the other inevitably follows. If our physical body requires balance for it to function properly, then why would our mind, and all that it encompasses, require anything less?

I have to remind myself about the necessity for balance very often. I will sometimes catch myself slipping back into old habits. I’ll sometimes find myself reigniting my old toxic relationship with education. I have to continually remind myself that my life, and everything that is in store for me, does not inherently begin and end with school, grades, or a degree. All those things can help me accomplish my life’s purpose; however, even if I fail every test from here on, even if I don't get a degree, even if I never step foot on a campus ever again, my life still has meaning and a purpose.

The same goes for every person on this planet.

We should continue to work hard; but, we shouldn’t work so hard that we end up burning out with life, our passions, our goals, and our purpose.

I think now, perhaps more than ever, we need to remind ourselves to work hard! With everything in the world right now, with everything life is going to continue to throw at us, we need to remind ourselves to not convince ourselves that what we’re working for is unachievable, or not worth it, or meaningless. We can’t allow our current self-doubt, frustration, anxiousness, or stress to convince us that we aren’t cut out for what God has called each and every one of us to do.

We are going to have to work and study and seriously strive for success every day. But, it’s important to remember this journey is not definitive or absolute—it won’t end with a pandemic, it won’t end with graduation, it won’t end with licensure, it won’t end after being in a career for 20+ years, and it won’t end when you retire.

Bruce Lee said, “I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.” To be successful, to be great, we are going to have to practice our “kick” 10,000 times, and then 10,001 more times, and then 10,002 times, and so on—why? Because we will never completely arrive, we will always be in the process of learning.We need to keep working hard, keep trying, and keep doing our best.

One of my favourite Bible stories is about Esther. My favourite verse throughout the entire story is the last part of verse 14 of Chapter 4: “. . . . Who knows? Maybe you were made queen for just such a time as this.” Another version of the verse I love is, “ . . . . Maybe you were born for such a time as this.” I believe we all have a destiny. I believe in the concept of "fate", that everything happens for a reason. I will not pretend to know what my destiny is exactly, or why the decisions I have made have led me to where I am—but, I do believe I am where I am for an awesome reason. I believe the same thing for everyone.

I don’t think it is a coincidence that we are all in the places we are or meet the people we meet.I believe everything in our lives is there to help us grow, mature, and learn more about ourselves and the world around us. All our situations, circumstances, friends, family, and the people we interact with are there for a reason--they are there, I believe, to help turn us into the people we were created to be.

Having a destiny, or specific purpose for our lives (despite our current academic, educational, economic, political, etc. circumstances) doesn’t mean we should slack off or not continue to work hard. It does mean that we shouldn’t get comfortable, we shouldn’t become complacent in our knowledge and abilities. We should and must continue to strive to do our best. I believe we will be successful and great if we are doing what we were created to do.

You don’t have to be the best, but you should always strive to do your best. It’s really important to know, understand, and remember that those are not the same thing! If not for your sake, for your own satisfaction and mental state of well-being, then for your family’s, friends’, co-workers, and communities’ satisfaction and overall well-being. For the people you know and for the people you don't know, for the people you have met and the people you have yet to meet, remember, you are no longer just your own—you have people who will be counting on you. Don’t let them down. That doesn’t mean you should neglect yourself; but, you need to be sure you don’t neglect the people around you. It doesn’t mean that you should worry, stress, and tire yourself trying to become “the mould”; but, it does mean that you should go outside of yourself and what’s subjectively comfortable to make sure others don’t have to become or fit in the mould to pick up your slack. Life is a delicate and very conscious balance. It is easy to forget you have to make conscious decisions everyday—it doesn’t benefit anyone, including yourself, to run on autopilot or to continually run at full speed.

I think it is possible to be great without being the best. I think you can be great because you have high expectations for yourself. I think you can be great because you want to succeed. I think you can be great because you strive to do your best. I think you can be great because you genuinely, deeply, and unselfishly care about people, and what happens to them. I think you can be great because you have a great purpose. However, that doesn’t mean you will always be the best, or the smartest or the prettiest/handsomest or the most talented or the richest or even the most capable.

I think it is important to remember and remind yourself often that you have great potential. You have great abilities. That you can, and will, do well. You have to make sure you don’t lose motivation, don’t let yourself lose heart. You won’t be the best at everything, you can’t be. But, you can be great.

Greatness is willingness to learn from mistakes, refusing to settle for mediocrity, asking for help when needed, putting others, and their well-being, first, being willing to think about things differently and striving for truth. We are all on this earth for a purpose—but, remember, that purpose is not for ourselves.

We are not here for ourselves, for self-serving reasons. We are here for others, to help lighten their load in some way, to help others reach their full potential, to become healthy and happy. Don’t think you should lose yourself, though—the beauty of what we are designed to do is we often find ourselves while in the service of others. I believe each and everyone of us has a great plan and destiny. Unfortunately, not everyone lives up to that destiny and purpose—but, I believe we can if we allow ourselves to have the balance in life, the balance between work and fun, the balance between expectations and limitations, we desperately need.

Remember what your goals are. Remember you have a great purpose and destiny. Remember your journey won’t always be easy, but it will always be rewarding. Keep pushing forward. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, don’t be afraid to speak up when necessary. One quote I think is rather apropos is, “If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them (Bruce Lee).” Don’t limit yourself—you are going to encounter plateaus, but don’t allow yourself to stay there. You have to stay motivated; you have to keep working hard; you have to keep pushing forward. Don’t allow life to become stagnant and flavorless because you are afraid of being uncomfortable or of change or of how others will perceive you. There is so much beauty and excitement and wonder in the world, there is so much beyond what’s immediately around you. Don’t limit yourself—allow yourself to fail, allow yourself to grow, allow yourself to experience anything and everything, allow yourself to get uncomfortable.

Keep working hard, stay motivated, keep learning and growing and you’ll do well.

This was just a really long, round-a-bout way to say: it took me a long time to figure out that I won’t, and probably shouldn’t, be the best at everything I do. Problems will inevitably occur when we see our worth in relation to school, to a degree, to a job, to a paycheck, to our looks, and to anything else that is here today and gone tomorrow. Problems come when we see our potential success in relation to degrees, jobs, awards and accolades, money, and, again, to things that are here today and gone tomorrow. Trying to be the best limits you--it limits your potential, opportunities, growth, maturity, and progress in life. Work hard, but make sure you give yourself some grace, mercy, and time to create balance in your life.